So Valentine's Day is just over a day away and while couples across the globe will no doubt be getting all gross and romantic and exchanging gifts covered in hearts/shaped like hearts/made out of their own hearts (eeeew, hopefully not the last one...) my friend 'Sheniqua' and I will be taking our hot, single selves to the cinema to see, what else, Valentine's Day. Now this is probably a bad idea as there's nothing like a good old fashioned rom-com full of beautiful, shiny people to remind you just how sad and alone you are. And being sad and alone on the one day of the year when it seems NOBODY ELSE IN THE WORLD is sad and alone, is really very sad indeed. Thank goodness I've got Sheniqua.
Anyway, while I may be sad and alone, I still have eyes, which is always a good thing, as you need eyes for looking at stuff. And you know what's really good to look at? Hot men, that's what. So without further adieu, I give you my Top 5 Fictional Valentines. Ta da!!! (I chose fictional characters, because more often than not I tend to have a crush on the character rather than the actor themselves. Plus, a fictional character is never going to disappoint you).
Number 5 - The Lovable Rogue
Sawyer, Lost (aka Josh Holloway)
The return of Lost to our TV screens is exciting, yet frustrating. I'm probably one of the few people that has actually stuck with it all the way from the beginning, because quite frankly, after about halfway through season 2, it became fairly clear that the writers were just making it up as they went along. But goddamnit, I've invested too much time into watching this show and I have to know how it's going to end. I have to. Sadly, we're now at season 6 and I feel no closer to knowing what the bejeesus is going on, in fact, after watching the first two new episodes, I'm even more confused than ever before. I can only assume that some kittens found their way into the basket of metaphorical Lost thread and had a good old tangly kitten time. Fortunately, there is always Sawyer, who is probably just as confused as us, but is so darn sexy it doesn't even matter. Nothing matters. Nothing at all. Only him. And the way he always calls Kate 'Freckles'. I have freckles, Sawyer, lots of them. Just say the word.
Number 4 - The One Who's Too Beautiful To Be A Real Human
Nate Archibald, Gossip Girl (aka Chace Crawford)
The thing about Gossip Girl is that everyone in it is stupidly pretty. Even the occasional tramp that's accidentally wandered into the background is still about ten times more beautiful than any of the normal folk sitting at home watching the show, going "look there's a tramp standing in the background! Wow. That's one attractive hobo". So I quite often find myself fancying every person in it. For a long time, it was all about Chuck, with his brooding and arrogance and smooth, smooth voice, but recently, he's gotten a bit boring, and he's really quite short. (Fickle? Me?!) And you see, Nate is so beautiful it's like he's been sculpted out of some kind of really delicious substance. Like the creamy icing you get on a Costco sheet cake. And I really like Costco cake. Plus, in the latest episode, he totally came out as the hero. Go Nate!
Number 3 - The Bad Influence
Daniel Desario, Freaks and Geeks (aka James Franco)
Just before Christmas, I discovered Freaks and Geeks; a show set in the 80s which came out in 1999 and only lasted a season but is quite literally one of the most brilliant teen drama/comedies to have ever existed. I don't understand why it got cancelled, because it was wonderful. James Franco (of Spiderman/Pineapple Express/Milk fame) played Daniel Desario, the stupidly pretty (and pretty stupid) stoner who tempted Lindsay (Linda Cardellini) over to the dark side of the 'freaks' aka the kids at school that your parents really didn't want you to hang around with. There's not much to say about this one; he's just very, very cute. Even though he frequently looked as though he was in desperate need of a good wash.
Number 2 - The Brilliantly Hilarious One
Cappie, Greek (aka Scott Michael Foster)
If there's one thing I would change about uni, it would be introducing the 'Greek system' to the UK. Seriously, it just looks like so much fun! If I could go and join a sorority right now, I would. And I'm not even at uni anymore. What makes Greek so brilliant is the man himself, Cappie. When you first watch the show, you don't even really pay him much attention, but then suddenly, without realising it, you're in love with him. Really though. In love. He's the epitome of the guy that everyone fancies and you don't immediately understand why, but then you have a conversation with him and it all becomes clear. He's awesome.
Number 1 - My Vampire Valentine
Damon Salvatore, The Vampire Diaries (aka Ian Somerhaulder)
As far as I'm concerned, 'hot' and 'vampire' have been as synonymous as "Costco cake" and "delicious" since the dawn of time; ever since Angel skulked out of the shadows in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it was pretty clear that there was something about the bloodsucking undead that was actually very appealing. But over the past couple of years, vampires have become BIG news, with the Twilight 'saga' leaving a trail of weeping, shaky girls in its wake and True Blood stepping over them all, like its big (filthy) older brother. Well quite frankly, Edward Cullen can piss right off; aside from the fact that he spends about 80 percent of the Twilight movies seemingly fighting the urge to be sick (which is understandable really), it has recently been pointed out that he bares quite a strong resemblance to the Jedwards. If that's not enough to get you swallowing cloves of garlic whole and bathing in holy water, then nothing is. Anyway, there is a much better vampire in town and his name is Damon. The Vampire Diaries is crap, I'll admit it, but as you may have guessed, crap is a not-so-guilty pleasure of mine so I continue to watch it, regardless. The premise of the show is pretty much the same as all the other vampire stuff that's out at the moment; ordinary girl meets handsome vampire, they fall in love, trouble ensues. Except, in The Vampire Diaries, the handsome vampire, Stefan, is actually incredibly boring and things don't get remotely interesting until his brother, Damon, (also a vampire, obviously), rides into town and does some killing. Another stupidly attractive fellow, Ian Somerhaulder is a model-turned actor who played Boone in the first season of Lost, and was killed off in a tragic abandoned-aeroplane-falling-off-cliff-accident (although he made a cameo in the first episode of season 6, yay!) He's now rocking it vamp style as Damon, who combines smouldering good looks with a brilliantly sarcastic wit and a cruel callousness that means he might kill you just for a laugh. Perfect heartthrob material. Every now and then though, we get a very brief glimpse of the 'good' Damon, who's a bit heart-broken and damaged, which makes the character all the more appealing. He's currently the desktop wallpaper on my laptop. Yeah, it's pretty serious.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I think I watch too much TV.
