Candy for cuties

"Zeerust: the particular kind of datedness which afflicts things that were originally designed to look futuristic" - The Meaning of Liff, Douglas Adams & John Lloyd

Before you read the rest of this post, please, please watch the video - it's very important! And you'll enjoy it, I promise...

I could quite happily watch this all day long. I love the idea that in the 1930s, a woman's biggest concerns were bagging a man and maintaining a comfortable temperature...

While some of the predictions are completely bizarre and off the mark, a couple of them are actually more than a little bit accurate. I don't think they've ever been a massive trend (and hopefully won't ever become one), but you can buy trousers with zips on the lower legs that turn them into shorts (I think they're quite popular with outdoorsy types who go hiking and climbing etc) and, when I was little, I owned a bubble jacket with removable sleeves. It was the height of sophistication, let me tell ya! Also, the 'cantilever' heels, have actually been a trend for years; I've seen vintage 'floating heel' shoes from the 1970s for sale on eBay and more recently, after Marc Jacob's inverted heels on the Spring 2008 catwalk, a lot of designers have experimented with inverting and even removing heels altogether!

Antonio Berardi, Marc Jacobs and Nina Ricci. Does anyone own shoes like these? How do you walk in them?!

Despite a few similarities with modern-day fashions, most of the outfits in the video have (sadly) not been made a reality in the noughties. I find it interesting that the designers in the video seem to have concerned themselves more with designing clothes which performed several functions rather than trying to predict actual trends for the future, but then I suppose that's quite a difficult task; if someone asked me what I thought people would be wearing in 70 year's time, I wouldn't have a clue! Even so, when it got to the point where that woman had a big torch tied into her hair, I did get a little bit hysterical with laughter. And the man! That poor, poor man! He had a phone strapped to his chest!

It got me thinking about some of the trends that actually have made the catwalks recently and what the people of the 1930s would have thought of them. If the concept of a dress made from 'transparent net' seemed whacky, imagine their reactions to these beauties;

(for your entertainment, I've added a mildly sexist narrative to accompany the photos, imagine it being spoken with a very clipped, RP accent.)

Dolce & Gabbana Spring/Summer 2007

"This fine filly doesn't leave much to the imagination in a dress made completely from steel. Unfortunately for her husband, he may need a can-opener to get her out of it."

Viktor & Rolf Spring/Summer 2010

"The ruffles on this jacket act as an excellent muffler for even the most delicate of ears. Now you can play your Glenn Miller records as loudly as you like without having to worry about deafening the little lady!"

Gareth Pugh Fall 2008

"The fabric of this gown is both flame-retardent and water-resistant. Perfect for even the clumsiest of cooks!"

Valentino Spring Couture 2010

"Eve may not have a very good sense of direction when she's out and about but you'll be able to spot her from a mile away when she's wearing this brightly coloured ensemble. Think you may have gone a bit overboard on the makeup there, Eve. Haha, silly Eve!"

Commes des Garcons Spring/Summer 2009

"A hat that covers most of the head and face will allow Eve to spend less time fussing over her appearance and more time worrying about what's really important, like tonight's dinner."

Haha, those foolish women, when will they learn?!